Sometimes, when I’m home alone I dance around. I sing and I whip my hair. I do. It makes me feel good and taps deep into an inner part of me where I can go that allows me to be myself and not shrink away when all I want to do is to be invisible to the world. There is something about knowing the walls can’t judge me and that I’m just being who I am, how I want to be. That is liberating.
As I progress in my life, I try more often to dance like nobody is watching. I put on my favorite songs, turn up my music and move my body back and forth, arms outstretched, twirling around in large, infinite circles in flowing movements around my house. Deep in my heart, I know that God does not want me to be a shrinking violet, to be afraid of sharing with the world who I am, but instead wants me to bloom and celebrate my creation. For me, dancing and prancing around also allows me laugh at my myself, and absolutely not take anything as serious as that moment that I’m enjoying my own essence. This feeling and that moment in time is immensely freeing and gives me a self boost that I often need.
While I’m dancing and enjoying myself, I’m not allowed to think counter intuitive thoughts. I can’t think body shaming thoughts about myself at all. No gym guilt. No weight guilt. No food guilt. Nothing. Because in that moment, just as in in all moments, I’m perfect just as I am.
As I love myself more and more each day, I realize that I have to be my own and biggest fan when I sing off key and even when I want to look into the mirror and can see everything that’s wrong and none of what I know is right. I am my advocate. When I don’t want to dance and just the thought makes me exhausted and feel overwhelmed and I find myself listening to the whispers of self-doubt that often surround me, I think of the previous moments of when I danced and focus on why I’m here, what my life means. Slowly I can feel a low murmur of a beat start to rise and the tune of a harp echoing through my thighs and at that peak I rise…and dance.