I have read so many conspiracy theories about 2016. What was it about 2016? Why did it feel like everyone took so many losses and hardly any wins? Why were there countless upon countless memes about 2016 in particular? Did Plankton finally find the formula? Was the Mayan calendar a few years off? Who knows. But we can all agree that it was a turbulent, difficult, painfully rocky year. From Trump to the Olympics, from Serena to Beyoncé, to refugees and shootings, it was a train wreck of constant emotions, especially while also trying to balance careers, school, anxiety, gender and sexuality struggles, relationships, friends passing, organizing, and trying to exercise self-care on top of a social life.
For me, it has been nothing but exhausting. I usually think that setting goals and resolutions for the New Year is a tacky tradition that results in nothing but lowered self-esteem and disappointment halfway through the year, but this year I’m rearranging my thoughts on the matter.
This year I’ve decided that I’m going to abide by five simple rules to make my life a little easier and more grounded. There’s no doubt that 2017 might be even rockier than 2016 was, and I want to be ready for whatever it holds. Here are the self-guiding goals/rules I’ve created for myself to help me achieve greatness next year.
1. Fall deeply in love. First and foremost, with myself. I want to do all the considerate, kind, appreciative things that I do for my partners to myself. I need myself to know that I’m loved so deeply and irrevocably by me. And when I master that, then I’ll be ready to fall for someone else as well.
2. Get my Kanye on. Not the misogynistic, selfish, immature Kanye we’re always seeing nowadays. I mean the 2005, “Bush hates black people” Kanye. I want to be confident. I want to love myself the way Kanye loves Kanye. I’m going to speak out when I’m frustrated. I’m going to boo Taylor Swift around white people and not be hesitant for a second. I’m going to unashamedly worship Beyoncé around Bey haters, and simply do and say what I want without regrets or holding back, because of what other people might think. I have a lot to offer, and I don’t want to hold any of it back in 2017.
3. Masturbate at least 3x a week. I love masturbating. I love sex. I have struggled in the past balancing the two, especially with such a busy schedule. I usually have sex instead of masturbating, usually only once a week because I’m so busy. And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE sex. But there is nothing quite like spending time away from the noise of the world, away from the gaze of a partner to simply remind your own body how much you love, worship, and appreciate it!
4. Buy some weird ass clothes. Growing up, I always wanted to conform to be “cool”. I’d always save up, go to Forever 21, and buy whatever cheap, hip new styles were in. I no longer shop there for multiple reasons, and I’m also broke. I like to utilize my local clothing exchange stores and thrift shops. They are cheap, and I don’t feel guilty because the clothes are recycled, instead of bought new. Finding my style has pushed my comfort zone, helped me exercise weeding out things I don’t like, and has helped me look dope as hell without conforming to what everyone is saying is fashionable or cool.
5. Wear more lingerie. I don’t know about you, but I’m lazy when it comes to this kind of thing. I currently have one lingerie-esque item in my wardrobe and I hardly ever wear it. It’s sitting on a hanger, not because I dislike it or don’t want to wear it, I simply just forget about it. But every time I have worn it, I’ve felt like the sexiest, baddest, queenest, fiercest Rihanna protégé in the world. And when I say wear lingerie, I don’t mean for a partner, I mean for myself. I want to sex up my own world and feel like a lace wearing, seductive goddess all the time, even when I’m by myself. I think it will help raise my self-esteem and will really help encourage doing number 3 on this list.