You know that person you admire? The one you envy? The one who makes it all look easy and seems to have it all together? The image you have of this person is not real. It’s something you’ve created within your own mind, perhaps based on suppressed wishes that you have for yourself.
It kills your confidence to look at where you are and look at where someone else is, compare the two, and feel lacking. I assure you, ‘your person’ worked to get there and they didn’t always know what they now know. They had to start somewhere. Instead of spending precious energy comparing yourself, focus on what you are doing and what you want to do. Instead of trying to keep up with someone else, keep moving toward the next version of yourself. Evolving on your own terms. Celebrating your progress as you go.
Does comparing yourself ever really feel good?
Even when you come out on top? Does it make you feel purposeful and aligned with a higher calling? Not so much. True satisfaction is readily available right where you are now when you can recognize your own value independent of anyone or anything else.
This is so important. You don’t need to compare yourself or feel better than anyone to feel confident. You don’t need to find purpose in the same things as other people. I was watching one of those nature shows the other day and it was about creatures in wild life who reproduce by cloning. This is dangerous because over time, the species begins to lack diversity which is necessary for them to evolve. The world needs diversity to keep moving forward. We thrive on it, and yet, ironically so many of us go through pains to fit in and imitate each other.
You never want to become so focused on what someone else is doing that you lose your connection to your own gifts.
For example, you don’t have to feel obligated to be in the front leading the pack when your instincts and strengths are telling you to hang out toward the back, encouraging others and pushing them forward. Everyone is not supposed to do the same thing in the same way.
If you count your own blessings, you will feel more content and confident. When you feel more content and confident, you create space for meaningful things to come your way.
If you always want what others have, you will never have enough. You will find yourself chasing things that aren’t meant for you and drifting further and further away from your own special magic. This chase leads you to a place where you feel anxious and out of place. You find yourself uncomfortable and lacking confidence because you are chasing someone else’s sweet spot.
Pay attention and catch yourself when you start to drift into comparison. When life is calling you to take a confident step toward something new, be inspired by those who are taking similar steps, but make sure that the call you are answering was meant just for you.
Now, let’s make it personal. Grab your journal and write.
Notice a situation where you reflexively start comparing yourself. Pause. Don’t beat yourself up but notice your feelings. What comes to mind when you feel jealous or inadequate? What irrational fears are you feeding into in those moments? If you were your own best friend, what would you say to you to address those fears and remind you of your value?
You are different than anyone else you know. Does this make you feel more or less confident? Do you prefer to stand out or go unnoticed? Why or why not? Do you feel limited by your uniqueness or empowered by it? How does this affect how you express yourself? In your ideal world (if fear was not an issue), how would like to see yourself use your unique qualities to be more confident?
Who is your biggest fan? How would they describe you? How do you interact with them? What value do you add to that person’s life. How does it make you feel to have their admiration?